Monday, February 18, 2019
The journey to pregnancy was unlike how I thought it would be. I took so much for granted- my presumed health and the ability to carry a child. I assumed that because I wanted to be a mother, it would be easy to conceive. Doesn't God (automatically) give us the desires of our hearts?
If you've been following along here for a while, you know that the journey to pregnancy was anything but easy. Months and months of charting my cycle, BBT, ovulation kits, and "just not trying" all seemed to lead to nowhere. That is, until last September when we were given the greatest surprise of all.
All of a sudden, the prayers we had sowed were worth it. We were reminded again that God's ways are not like our own. And we were oh so grateful and humbled that He has given us the privilege of bringing this sweet boy into the world.
When I was waiting and waiting and waiting on my now husband to magically appear, I wrote him letters and also wrote in my journal about all the dreams I had for us- what we would do together and characteristics I hoped he embodied. These prayers were so instrumental, and I truly believe God heard and answered the deepest desires of my heart. Now I write prayers and dreams and hopes for this little one that God has entrusted us with, and it seems surreal.
It is hard to believe that I am now in the last trimester of this pregnancy, but alas, here we are! I simultaneously want to slow down time and speed it up. Pregnancy has been full of joy for me; I love being pregnant and know I will miss it. But I also cannot wait to meet my little buddy and hold him in my arms and on my chest.
I feel like pregnancy gets a bad rap these days- people talk about how uncomfortable they are and how annoying it is to give up certain foods and drink. And I get it. I do. I sometimes feel like a whale because I have to roll out of bed. And there are certain foods and beverages I cannot wait to be able to enjoy again. But every single minute has been worth it. And I know that when I see my sweet boy's face, I will keep saying, "Thank You, Father, for this miracle. Thank You for giving me my heart's desire and entrusting me with this sweet and precious life." So I embrace the awkwardness of this season and keep saying thank you, knowing that God is using it to continue to draw me closer to His heart.
Monday, February 11, 2019
You are seen and loved. Your story matters, and God has not forgotten about you. He sees you each month when you are reminded that your dream has yet to be fulfilled. He sees you when you try that new diet and are so tired of eating food you don't really enjoy. He sees you charting your temps and giving yourself those hormone shots. He sees you at the baby shower you really didn't want to attend. He sees you in the baby aisle at Target, crying inexplicably and wondering when it will be your turn.
God is not silent in the midst of your pain. In fact, He is right beside you. He loves you with an infinite love, and He has written your name on the palm of His hands. He could never forget you.
So here is my prayer for you, sweet friend.
My prayer is that you know the depth and width and height of His love. I pray that you find His grace in each moment and remember that His mercies are new every morning. I pray you remember that it is ok to not be ok. I ask for God to open the heavens and rend down His blessings by opening your womb and allowing your body to do what it was created to do. I ask that He remind you that you are fearfully and wonderfully made in His image, which means that there is nothing "wrong" with you. I ask that He remind you of His great love for you in myriad ways so you can know without a shadow of a doubt that He has not left you and never will. I ask that you remember and know that His love poured out on the cross for you was enough, even for this deep pain that no one should have to endure. I pray that you have friends who surround you and that you are brave enough to reach out when you need one. I pray you feel His arms holding you in His tender embrace in this fragile season, and that above all, you know how loved you are.
Wednesday, February 6, 2019
It's February! Wow. This month marks the end of the second trimester for me and the beginning of the third trimester. I have thoroughly enjoyed pregnancy so far and am looking forward to what these next few months hold, too! There are lots of fun things going on right now and I am trying to enjoy what is and not worry much about all that is to come. Here's what's going on around these parts:
Anticipating: Right now I cannot believe that my sweet baby boy will be here in just a few short months. We are slowly getting things together in his nursery and it has been fun to think about what he will look like and what kind of little person he will be.
Making: I love trying new recipes, so I am making lots of yummy food at home.
Going: We just went on our babymoon to Hilton Head Island, which was so lovely. Other than that we are not going many places these days!
Watching: The third season of Victoria just started and it is so good!
Wearing: The weather decided to behave like it is spring, so I have been wearing t-shirts! How fun that has been. :)
What are you up to currently?
Linking up with Anne today!