Monday, April 11, 2016

My Husband Is Not Jesus

{Elissa Ewald Photography}
“To be loved but not known is comforting but superficial. To be known and not loved is our greatest fear. But to be fully known and truly loved is, well, a lot like being loved by God. It is what we need more than anything. It liberates us from pretense, humbles us out of our self-righteousness, and fortifies us for any difficulty life can throw at us.” - Tim Keller, The Meaning of Marriage

Well y'all, we are officially nine months in to this marriage thing. When I type that out, it seems ludicrous. Exactly one year ago today, Rory asked me to be his wife. Then, three months later, we promised to love each other unconditionally as we walk side by side together for the rest of our days.

There are a lot of things that I expected when we got married. I know that I expected things to not be that hard. Don't get me wrong, I am super duper happy and glad that I am married to Rory. But sometimes...I am selfish. And it really sucks.  I expected that since we were told in our premarital counseling that we had great communication skills, we wouldn't really have much of an issue communicating. Um. Not true. Get real, Jessica.

I think that the biggest thing that I expected when we got married is that Rory would be able to fix everything. I never said it or thought it explicitly, but the thought was is still there subconsciously. There were (and still are) so many broken pieces of my heart and life that I just knew he was going to make all better. After all, I had a fresh start with him, and now that we were together, everything was just going to be good. Right? Not so.

My husband is incredible. He is a servant leader. He loves me so well by being tender, patient, and kind. Always. He listens to me, he leads me, he makes me laugh, and he encourages and challenges me when I want to give up. But. He is not Jesus. Well, uh. duh. That's probably what you're thinking. But let me explain.

{Elissa Ewald Photography}
I could take the previous paragraph and insert the name Jesus where I wrote "my husband," and all of the accolades would still be applicable. Hmmm. Interesting to note that while my husband possesses many of the qualities of Jesus, he still isn't him. So where is the problem?

The problem arises when I expect Rory to fix things. The problem arises when he cannot meet all of my needs all the time in just the way that I want him to. The problem arises when I look to him to fulfill me and make me happy.

When Rory is sweet to me, I often say "Thank you, my prince!" or "I love you, my prince!" I say that because to me, he is my Prince Charming. He is my fairy tale on earth. But there is One who is greater, and His name is Jesus.

The fairy tale of marriage can be misconstrued to paint a portrait of a perfect life with no conflict or trial. There is an idea purveyed within our culture that says that when you are married, you have arrived. But friends, that just is not the truth. The truth is that Jesus is our real fairy tale. He seems too good to be true, and yet His story of unending love and faithfulness is the greatest story ever told, and it completely changes our lives when we let it.

Every time I look to Rory to meet all my needs and satisfy me, I will ultimately be disappointed. He just can't do it, y'all. He is by far the greatest gift I have ever received. But Jesus is better. He is greater. When I run to Him, He holds me in His arms. He gives me the peace that passes all understanding. He tells me I am loved and made pure and righteous in His sight. He grants me good standing with the Father, not because of anything I've done or haven't done. He gives me a seat at the table and welcomes me into His family without reserve.

The love of my husband has taught me so much about the love of the Lord. He is so patient and full of grace, so when I look to the Lord, I am able to know that He will not chastise me or cast me out of His presence. I do not have to live in fear of His judgement or wrath. Because of my husband's love for me, I know the love of Christ in a way I never have before. And for that, I am deeply grateful.

But y'all, my husband is not Jesus. He never will be. I pray his love continues to point me to Jesus, and that I do the same for him. But thank goodness, we weren't made to meet every need in the other's life. Only God can truly satisfy me, and I want to rest in Him. He is my real fairy tale. Too good to be true, yet He is The Truth that will never fade away.


  1. So true! And such an easy thing to fall into. I know for me, I often find myself turning to my husband for the answers. He's my best friend and has such a great listening ear, but, Jesus is who I should always turn to first. I think it's finding that balance, that balance of taking things to Jesus first, and then turning to my husband. Sometimes, using my husband's wisdom is an amazing thing, other times, I realize I'm only griping and complaining, not something he needs to hear. Thank you for your truth and the great reminder this morning!

    1. Meg! Your words are so true as well. :) It is so easy to just vent, vent, vent because the hubs is a listening ear that is in the flesh. Prayer should always be my first stop, but often times I admit that it is my last resort. Thanks for reading and thank you for your insight!



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