Wednesday, October 28, 2015

The Monster in My Mind

{via Elissa Ewald}

Friends, I was so overwhelmed at the positive response to my last post on marriage. Thank you for your kind words. I figure even though I feel like I have no idea what I'm doing, I might as well keep writing while I'm in the thick of it. A heartfelt thank you to those of you who are journeying along with me. Your readership means the world to me.

Expectations. Oh, how I loathe you. If there's one thing I've learned about marriage so far, it is that expectations can kill, steal, and destroy the life-giving qualities that you and your spouse most likely want to pursue together. Like an overdue oil change, they seem like no biggie, until you're stuck on the side of the road, broken down and confused. Expectations can come from myriad sources. Some expectations are positive- we expect that our spouse will be faithful to us- while others are negative or unrealistic. To expect your spouse to read your mind, for example, is completely unrealistic. Not that I've ever done that...

REAL LIFE CONVERSATION

Me: Hey babe, I fluffed your laundry so it would be ready to fold.
Ror: Ok, thanks. (walks out of room)

Five seconds later, Rory returns to the room.

Me: Um, aren't you going to go get your laundry basket so your clothes can be folded?
Ror: Nope.
Me: Oh, I just assumed you read my mind and walked into the other room to get your laundry basket so that I could do my laundry, too.
Ror: Nope.
Me: So um are you gonna go get it now?
Ror: Nope.

In my mind, I thought it seemed logical (and kind, duh) to get the laundry basket so that the chores could continue uninterrupted. It. made. sense. Rory, unable to read my mind (geeze the nerve), was simply walking out of the room. It was not mean-spirited or rude, he just isn't a mind reader. Imagine that.

Expectations can creep up in the most unexpected places. The above situation is small and comical, but when expectations make their way into more serious situations, hurt feelings arise and there is suddenly a Situation instead of situation. Y'all feel me?

Here's what I've learned   I'm learning about expectations. Let. them. go. Just like Elsa. There is seriously no need to hang onto things, and it just kills the joy within a relationship when you do so. I cannot say that I've mastered this. At all. Friends, I'm right there with you in the thick of it. But I hope and pray that the Lord continues to show me when I have unrealistic expectations so that I can just let go and enjoy what is right in front of me, because honestly, it's pretty good. In fact, it's better than pretty good, it's great.

What have you learned/are you learning about expectations?

1 comment:

  1. I've learned that "I'm sorry" has become easier to say as I am having to say it way more often…. Sanctification!

    Laundry is up there with us too as one of those things we miscommunicate about. I will finish folding a basket and put it at the bottom of the steps for the next person who goes upstairs to carry up..as in you would literally have to step over it or move it to walk upstairs. Without fail, he will make the effort to step over it or move it rather than picking it up. The conversation usually ends with me saying,"I'm sorry. I should have told you it was there to carry up. I shouldn't assume that you would know." I expect him to just carry it or ask if it needs to be carried up.

    -Jessie McCurley

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