Lately, I have been struggling. I have been struggling to believe that He will do what He has promised. I have taken my eyes off of Him and been uber-focused on the circumstances. Last week, I bought my ticket to come home in June. When I clicked "Purchase," I cried. And the next morning, I cried again. And the tears just keep coming, daily it seems. You see, the thing is, I do not quite understand why I am going back to Athens. I mean, I have some ideas about it. The Lord has placed the city on my heart and given me a burden for it. But I don't understand why He would take me here from Chihuahua.
When I committed to teach at Colegio Binimea for two years, I knew that I was making a big decision that would change my life. It was the first time in my life where I was going against my parents. I would no longer be living within a couple hour's drive from them. My best friends would be getting "real jobs" and beginning their lives with significant others. Essentially, life as I knew it in Georgia would go on as I forged new territory in Chihuahua.
The time leading up to my departure for Chihuahua was exceedingly difficult. I knew that I knew that I knew that I was supposed to leave. The Lord had confirmed that in myriad ways. But I was still afraid. What if people were right and I was crazy for leaving the comforts of home and Daddy's footing of (most of) the bills? What if I did not make any friends? What if I were achingly lonely? What if I was a horrible teacher? What if I did not have enough money to pay my bills or come home to see my family and friends?
All of these questions haunted me for days and weeks. Every day was a struggle to surrender to what I knew the Lord wanted for me. And now I find myself in the very same place, struggling to remember what God has promised. Now my fears are different. The looming questions have changed. What if I heard Him wrong? What if I'm being selfish and just thinking about me? What if a new teacher doesn't come down next year? What if I don't get this job?
Sitting here wondering, praying, and crying through all these things, the Lord reminded me of the verse above that He had used so clearly last year to begin to cultivate a new move in my heart. I had been focused on the beginning part- the new thing. But what I failed to remember is that it says He will make a way where there seems to be no way. And that is what I cannot forget. He's the only one who can make a way where there seemed to be no way.
|The highest mountain in Chihuahua City, Cerro Grande.|