Sunday, December 4, 2011

transparency


4. When did you struggle?
When I first saw this question, I was hesitant to write about it. I thought, "Hmm...when did I struggle in this past year?" And I realized that when I thought about it for a minute, a season in which I struggled did come to mind.

This summer, I went home for about four weeks. I enjoyed being with my family, and I got to see and be with my a number of my best friends. I had the privilege of seeing one friend get married, and I enjoyed a couple perfect days at the beach. I ran the Peachtree with my dad. And nothing in me wanted to return to Mexico. At least, not much in me wanted to return to Mexico.

I knew that things would be different this year for a number of reasons. My roommate Tanya had since left and moved back to California, my friend Amanda got married in May, and I was going to be living on my own without a roommate for the first time ever. While I was going to have the same students, I knew things would be different because we had made some curriculum changes at school. And I was no longer the rookie.

One day this summer, my time was beginning to run out at home, and I was getting scared. My fears were getting the best of me. I was giving in to the fear of loneliness and discontentment, and my dad could see it all over my face. I just broke down and started crying. It was the ugly cry, too. I just said, "I'm scared. I try to be brave, but I'm scared. It's so hard." And he just held me in his arms and said, "It's okay. You just finish out one more year and come home to Daddy." I was so grateful for the freedom I had to speak those fears aloud. Because when I did, they were no longer as powerful as I thought they were. 

Coming back to Mexico for my second year was different. But I still wouldn't trade it for the world. I love my little house. I have sweet friends and amazing neighbors. I am somewhat obsessed with my church. And I am content in living where the Lord has placed me for such a time as this.  

On another note, this song has been on repeat for me the past couple mornings:

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