Friday, December 9, 2011


9. When were you most scared?
10. What questions did you ask?

This week was insane. Literally. I had something after school every day this week and was not at home much. Which means that when I crawled into bed at 9:30 last night (I know, I’m getting old; you thought I was going to say something outrageous like midnight) I was in no mood to write. I just wanted to veg out. And that I did. But I am going to borrow the idea my friend Laura employed when she missed a day and combine two questions. So here we go!

Fear is a tricky thing. I have heard it said that the Bible has 365 verses that tell us not to fear, which means we have a verse for every day of the year that tells us not to fear. I've also heard it said that fear can be both good and evil. It can be a good thing that propels us to action and change, moving us forward and not allowing us to remain unchanged in the same place. But it can also be the exact opposite. It can keep us from changing, which means we are stagnant, dry, and without inspiration.

This morning, I saw this quote and loved it. Many people say that your twenties are about discovering who you are-what you find irresistible and what makes you tick. What you abhor and what you simply cannot live without. So far, I have found this to be true. My twenties (I know, I’m only three and a half years into them…) have been a great time of self-discovery. And not only have I discovered and uncovered many things about myself I did not know, I have come to discover my Savior in a deeper way than ever before. That is something I never want to lose.
Thus, when I was scared this year (which happened several times; how was I supposed to just write about one time?!) I questioned many things. I questioned whether or not I was making a difference. I questioned if I could make it through another year so far away from my family and friends. I questioned whether I was going to change or if I would constantly struggle with the same things.

I think that fear can be good for us when it is that healthy fear- the kind that allows us to pick up and move on from where we have been, searching out new territory and ready for adventure. This year, I had a good bit of the healthy fear and a few doses of the paralyzing fear, too. There was the fearful me that was afraid to come back to Mexico, wondering how things would be different. There was the fearful me that was afraid of never being content, but then I asked the Holy Spirit to teach me contentment. And boy did He deliver. In 2012, I hope to have much more of the healthy fear than the paralyzing fear. I want to fear the Lord more in 2012 than I did in 2011. I want to fear staying where I am and allow the Lord to change, mold, and shape me.  Praying that you get a good dose of the healthy fear, too.

For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline.
- 2 Timothy 1:7

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